RED NECK HOME SECURITY SYSTEM

richard fairnie — Tue, 24 Nov 2009 12:39:46 GMT

Go to a secondhand store and buy a pair of men’s used size 14-16 work boots. Place them on your front porch, along with a copy of Guns & Ammo Magazine. Put a few giant dog dishes next to the boots and magazines. Leave a note on your door that reads: “Bubba, Bertha, Duke, Slim, & I went for more ammo and beer. Be back in an hour. Don’t mess with the pit bulls; they attacked the mailman this morning and messed him up bad. I don’t think Killer took part, but ...

Company Christmas Party

janelle — Tue, 24 Nov 2009 05:59:43 GMT

FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director TO: All Employees DATE: October 1, 2009 RE: Gala Christmas Party I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on December 23rd, starting at noon in the private function room at the Grill House. There will ...

Aberdonian Xmas

true_blue_piper — Sun, 22 Nov 2009 22:20:16 GMT

An Aberdonian man calls his son in London the day before Christmas Eve and says, “I hate to ruin your day but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing; forty-five years of misery is enough.” 'Dad, what are you talking about?' the son screams. “We can't stand the sight of each other any longer” the father says. “We're sick of each other and I'm sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Leeds and tell her.” Franticly, the son calls his ...

A real dog

Werepiper — Thu, 03 Sep 2009 10:13:51 GMT

Lets get some one liners going

Q: How do you know when you're really ugly?

A: Dogs close their eyes when they're humping your leg

Dumbed down exams

Gordy88 — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 08:41:15 GMT

I don't want to start about how thick some of todays students are, but a few of these exam answers are quite amusing http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1229099/Revealed-The-student-howlers-dumbed-exams-pupils.html ta

Epistle to God

true_blue_piper — Sat, 21 Nov 2009 22:46:26 GMT

Little Barry came into the kitchen where his mother was making dinner. His birthday was coming up and he thought this was a good time to tell his mother what he ...

The Aliens finally arrive.......

true_blue_piper — Tue, 17 Nov 2009 22:02:44 GMT

[size=18]Two aliens landed in the Arizona desert near a gas station that was closed for the night. They approached one of the gas pumps and the younger alien addressed it saying, 'Greetings, Earthling. We come in peace. Take us to your leader.' The gas pump, of course, didn't respond. The younger alien became angry at the lack of response. The older alien said, 'I'd calm down if I were you.' The younger alien ignored the warning and repeated his greeting. Again, there was ...

Excuse Me Your Holiness

richard fairnie — Tue, 17 Nov 2009 14:21:59 GMT

After getting all of Pope Benedict's luggage loaded into the limo, (and he doesn't travel light), the driver notices that the Pope is still standing on the curb. "Excuse me, Your Holiness," says the driver," Would you please take your seat so we can leave?" "Well, to tell you the truth," says the Pope, " they never let me drive at the Vatican when I was a cardinal, and I'd really like to drive today." "I'm sorry, Your Holiness, ...

Almost Wooshed in the US of A

true_blue_piper — Sat, 22 Aug 2009 23:13:23 GMT

View:- http://thescotsman.scotsman.com/scotland/Bucket-of-water--fails.5359656.jp and hasn't he done well :- http://thescotsman.scotsman.com/scotland/The-Bagpipe-Busker-blows-in.5540947.jp

Debra or Jack ?

true_blue_piper — Fri, 13 Nov 2009 06:16:25 GMT

The boss had to fire somebody, and he narrowed it down to one of two people, Debra or Jack. It was an impossible decision because they were both super workers. Rather than flip a coin, he decided he would fire the first one who used the water cooler the next morning. Debra came in the next morning with a horrible hangover after partying all night. She went to the cooler to take an aspirin. The boss approached her and said, "Debra, I've never done this before, but ...

Thomas The Tank Engine

true_blue_piper — Fri, 13 Nov 2009 23:10:23 GMT

A mother was working in the kitchen, listening to her five-year-old son playing with his new electric train set in the living room. She heard the train stop and her son saying, 'All of You b*****ds who want off, get off now, 'cos we're in a hurry! And all of you ...

Anti-Gravity

true_blue_piper — Sat, 14 Nov 2009 13:03:31 GMT

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1QWM7gSs_9k

Blowpipe hemp

janelle — Wed, 11 Nov 2009 02:07:24 GMT

I took out my blowpipe from the stock, before I started playing, so it had been about 24 hours since they had been played, and notice the yellow hemp on the blowpipe is considerably wet. So my question is, am I suppose to be giving this a chance to dry out or is it suppose to stay wet? There isn't any noticeable moisture in the moisture bottle nor in the bag itself. They are poly pipes. BTW, I won't see my tutor before Monday, or the PM before Friday, so I thought I'd ask here.

What has he been up to now?

true_blue_piper — Thu, 05 Nov 2009 10:24:00 GMT

Least we forget

Redneck — Fri, 30 Oct 2009 10:38:49 GMT

~~~~~~~~~~~~~THE POPPY~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Why are they selling poppies mother? The poppies child are flowers of love for the men who marched away. But why have they chosen a poppy mother? Why not a beautiful rose? Because my child, men fought and died in fields where poppies grow. But why are the poppies so red mother? Why ...

Hitler throws a wobbler

Redneck — Fri, 30 Oct 2009 18:13:27 GMT

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z9rI8Qvmt4I

Class.

Ulster-Scots magazine online

Redneck — Tue, 27 Oct 2009 09:56:34 GMT

http://www.ulsterscotsagency.com/ulster-scots-publications/the-ulster-scot/magazine/

Thought Ron wid like this un.

Countryville - Redneck

true_blue_piper — Thu, 22 Oct 2009 12:11:19 GMT

Just for Iain :-

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c-Qc6TbyPFM

Not for Robbie...;over 21s only

true_blue_piper — Thu, 15 Oct 2009 12:10:18 GMT

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8S9vUt5M0iE

Mr and Mrs Robb - Out for the Sunday drive.

true_blue_piper — Sat, 17 Oct 2009 22:52:41 GMT

View:-

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bRUC0Co2tGA

Cats - Like Humans

true_blue_piper — Sun, 18 Oct 2009 09:32:01 GMT

Know what he feels like?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f3sX30NubTs

Gately's Deid....what a bummer.

true_blue_piper — Thu, 15 Oct 2009 03:23:50 GMT

George Michael has been arrested over the death of Stephen Gately who was found with a chocolate bar up his arse. Police say it was a careless Wispa. _______________________________________________________________________________ Stephen Gately died of a rare form of bird-flu, his husband said 'Its ironic. anyone who knew him, knew he hated birds, although he was fond of a cockatoo' _______________________________________________________________________________ What's pink and goes ...

Females - shoe shopping

true_blue_piper — Thu, 15 Oct 2009 12:18:44 GMT

It's a cracker......

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LH7ESRp113s

Be Brave!!!!!!!!!

Redneck — Wed, 07 Oct 2009 14:42:02 GMT

This prisoner escapes after 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and food, and finds a young couple in bed. He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair and he ties the wife to the bed, and gets on top of her , kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband tells his wife: "Listen, this guy is an escaped prisoner, look at his clothes! He's probably spent lots of time in jail, and hasn't seen ...

Holy Prostitutes

richard fairnie — Thu, 08 Oct 2009 12:30:31 GMT

A man is driving down a deserted stretch of highway when he notices a sign out of the corner of his eye....It reads: SISTERS OF ST.. FRANCIS HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION 10 MILES He thinks this is a figment of his imagination and drives on without second thought. Soon he sees another sign which reads: SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION 5 MILES Suddenly he begins to realize that these signs are for real and drives past a third sign saying: SISTERS OF ST. ...

NEW E-MAIL ADDY!!!

stormy — Wed, 30 Sep 2009 17:56:25 GMT

Please note that anyone wishing to contact me via e-mail after 1st October 2009 should use the following addy......

stormypipes@hotmail.com

Thanks.

As I mature

Gordy88 — Tue, 06 Oct 2009 10:52:36 GMT

As I Mature *********** I've learned that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in. I've learned that no matter how much I care, some people are just assholes. I've learned that it takes years to build up trust, and it only takes suspicion, not proof, to destroy it. I've learned that you can get by on charm for about fifteen minutes, After that you better have a huge schlong. I've learned that you ...

Torphican has a new PM

Heilan Mary — Thu, 17 Sep 2009 14:33:57 GMT

http://www.pipesdrums.com/ViewObject.aspx?sys-Portal=57&sys-Class=Article&sys-ID=17942 Best of luck to the new PM.

Raffle for engraved silver Naill pipes/McCallum chanters

Adam — Thu, 17 Sep 2009 10:56:31 GMT

The Scottish Piping Society of London are holding a raffle to raise funds for the SPSL. The David Naill company have very kindly donated a set of their DN5 pipes. The DN5 series are near the top of the Naill line, beaded and combed with imitation ivory projecting mounts, and elaborately engraved Sterling silver ferrules, slides, ringcaps and half silver mouthpiece. These pipes currently retail in the UK at £2,995.00. There will be other piping prizes in the draw, including a very generous ...

Good wee show.

Redneck — Wed, 23 Sep 2009 08:29:19 GMT

http://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode...sles_Tatoo%29/ Quite enjoyed this. Ma wee m8 Gordon's band does a wee turn wi his band Mauchline. That'll give Gillian a chance da see some oul pals.

Smile for the day

true_blue_piper — Tue, 22 Sep 2009 09:24:03 GMT

My lesbian neighbours gave me a lovely Rolex for my birthday.

They must have misunderstood me when I said, "I wanna watch".....

Anyone know where to get this beer?

true_blue_piper — Sun, 20 Sep 2009 11:34:58 GMT

View:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yS9JK9JlnvU

Cowal results?

Werepiper — Thu, 03 Sep 2009 12:43:48 GMT

What were the results for Cowal?

Well its offical now 4a and MSR

Chiddy — Sun, 06 Sep 2009 19:43:04 GMT

www.rspba.org 2010 MAP CHANGES GRADE 4A STRATHSPEYS & REELS ANNOUNCED 2nd September 2009 As already released towards the end of August the 2010 season will see the requirements for Grade 4A change to include the playing of Strathspeys and Reels in championships. The tunes chosen are as follows: Strathspeys Aspen Bank Because he was a Bonny Lad Campbeltown Kiltie Ball Captain Horne Colonel MacLeod Dalnahassaig J F MacKenzie Lady MacKenzie of Fairburn Lady MacKenzie ...

Lie Down Piper

true_blue_piper — Mon, 14 Sep 2009 01:35:47 GMT

Go to this webpage:-

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/scotland/default.stm

And then click on 'Scotland's Big Picture', about half way down the right-hand side of the webpage.....

You'd think they could at least have used a drummer.

Fiona and Peter

Dai Robb — Tue, 15 Sep 2009 12:47:06 GMT

Spoke to the guys today via SKYPE, they of course were speaking from the "exceutive Lounge" (how the other half live?) LOL, They looked disgustingly happy and healthy, of course they had to run a they were catching ferry and going out for a meal up river?(makes you sick dont it?)

Missing Bodies

Dai Robb — Tue, 11 Aug 2009 13:24:34 GMT

In case you start wondering about aliens abducting people etc, thought i had better let you know that both Fiona and Peter may be missing for the next few weeks. I am sure everyone knows they get married in about 3 weeks time?, and I have a feeling that they are maybe getting some practice in? They deny it of course, but dont worry if you dont see them, they are lurking there or thereabouts. NOW the BAD news is, you are left with Robbie and me to sort any problems out, (I know who I would ...

Feel free to ask

Piper_06 — Wed, 12 Aug 2009 02:25:35 GMT

Some of the other places make you feel rediculous when you ask a question. We all started as beginners, and we all asked most of the same questions. Feel free to ask, and we will try to help you as much as we can.

Thought for the Day

true_blue_piper — Fri, 11 Sep 2009 02:03:55 GMT

Billy Connolly

'If women are so bloody perfect at multitasking, how come they can't have a headache and sex at the same time?'

On Safari in Phuket.

Dai Robb — Wed, 09 Sep 2009 13:15:00 GMT

Out of Africa(okay then PHUKET)

Hello from me, ( but ye ken me already)

Adam — Tue, 15 Sep 2009 11:29:36 GMT

Hello All, After years of using names like Tcheuchterloon, (which was mainly to confuse Americans), I'm using my real moniker. I was a member of Piping Connection before under the name MacSpadger, (Which is what my Dad used to call me. Why? I dunno, he was from Hamilton and they are strange there). But when I went to log in one day you'se had all buggered aff and left me. I'm currently not permanently attached to any pipe band, but I'll probably join up with one before the year is out.

Very sad news

Werepiper — Thu, 10 Sep 2009 17:04:03 GMT

I lost my mum to cancer yesterday - 2 1/2 weeks from diagnosis - what a ******* that diease is.

I am going to play at her funeral though. Taking her into church with Sleep Deary Sleep.

MacGrahi ?

true_blue_piper — Tue, 08 Sep 2009 13:29:25 GMT

View :-

http://www.dailymotion.com/video/xa9e7g_america-wants-to-boycott-scotland_fun

Happy Birthday again!

Heilan Mary — Mon, 07 Sep 2009 11:19:28 GMT

Happy Birthday to Dai (again)

Hope I have it right this time!!!!

An Irishman goes for a Job.

Piper_06 — Tue, 01 Sep 2009 20:22:27 GMT

An Irishman goes for a job on a building site.

The foreman says, "Can you brew tea?"

The Irishman says, "Yes."

"Good. Can you drive a fork lift?"

The Irishman looks at him and says,

"Just how bloody big is the teapot?"

Heading da Perth. Think there's a wedding on.

Redneck — Tue, 01 Sep 2009 21:36:57 GMT

Got the bags packed ( well, Lorraine has ) and looking forward to a mad long weekend wi some good pals. Can't wait da see Peter 'n Fiona onTursday, we are all heading out fer a nosebag 'n a few quiet swallies, early da bed, early da ra rise for the big day on Friday. Richard will be there Friday night, so looking forward to seein' ma mucker also.......jeeze it's gonna be a wild night.......bring it on. Might even get Fiona up fer a wee Redneck smootchie 'n trap all o'er her toes, am a ...

Return to work

Werepiper — Thu, 03 Sep 2009 10:10:01 GMT

After my enforced school holidays I have to return to work on Monday.
How can I survive till half term?
Suggestions please............keep it clean

Marie Celeste revisited?

Dai Robb — Tue, 01 Sep 2009 10:35:22 GMT

Blimey where is everyone? have you all been spirited away? came in a few times yesterday and not a sausage, and likewise today? is there something I should know about? am i using the wrong deodorant?

You Tube ..delight..!!

wyatt.s earp — Sun, 30 Aug 2009 15:58:08 GMT

Check out....Alasdair Gillies,Lord Todd Recital Challenge..on "You Tube".it opens up to Angus Macoll,and others,...a delight to watch...

heres a good 1 I was sent via email

scots wa hae — Wed, 26 Aug 2009 20:49:39 GMT

I was drinking a cuppa coffee and nearly choked on this one..... Any one with Irish blood in them...please do not take offence! Paddy wants a job, but the foreman won't hire him until he passes a little math’s test. Here is your first question, the foreman said. "Without using numbers, represent the number 9." "Without numbers?" Paddy says? "Dat’s easy." And proceeds to draw three trees. "What's this?" the boss asks. "Have ...

Piping Connections